Women represented love, sensitivity, nurture, understanding, tenderness, beauty, and the only constant in a household.
Men represented the head of the household, the provider, the decider, the worker, the discipliner, and the one who guided the family.
We have come a long way from the definition of a family. A family used to be defended and cherished by both men and women. It was protected by both men and women. Especially, by women, since there was the one constant she worked on keeping the family together. She would sacrifice herself to keep that family together. To some extent, that was the reason marriages lasted so long. The women compromised and ignored. They understood that men were weak and that infidelities were a way of life for them that were passed down from generations. The essence of family was protected for the sake of the children. Both men and women understood the importance of family for the children. They made sure to not argue or fight, neither in front of the children, nor in front of their parents.
Men assumed for a long time that women accepted their infidelities. For the most part that was the case. However, there was enough infidelity going on from the women side. They were just better at hiding it.
When we look at the relationships of our parents in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s we see, of course those who were old enough, a way different family structure than we see today. Families in those times did all in their power to stay together and raise their children together. We also see the difference in values that children in those times had and the value of the children of today’s times.
There is no doubt in my mind, being from that generation, that we had different values. We also lived in a different economic, technological and social environment.
These were times where most of us knew our places. Children knew that they had to go to school, of course those who had access, that they need it to work to help the family, that they had to respect their elders and their parents, and that some of our paths were determined. Women knew that they had to support their husbands, that their men would provide and they also knew that their men made the final decisions in the household. Men knew that they had to provide, that they had the support of their women, that they had to keep the family together and that they were counted on by the family to guide them.
Today, we find ourselves in a world that has changed in population, economically, technologically, infrastructure wise, society, respect, family and civility. We no longer value the family, the neighborhood and we no longer value our parents, our children and sometimes I believe ourselves.
The sense of respect is gone and society has accepted it and made it routine. Think about this for a minute: we as parents cannot discipline our children when they decide not to listen to us. Children do not feel that they have any obligations with their parents. They feel that it is not necessary to listen to their parents because the parent cannot touch them nor punish them besides taking away toys and privileges. However, those privileges are provided to them elsewhere, because they can leave their parents’ house anytime they please and the law protects them.
Our litigious society has changed our world for the worst. Schools are prohibited from doing their jobs, because they might be sued by the parents or students. neighbors, aunts, uncles, and grandparents do not get too involved in raising the children in the area, because it can back fire on them. No longer does a village raise a child.
We need to really look hard into our lives and analyze how we are contributing to the destruction of a society. We see every day how someone is suing somebody, someone is hurting somebody, someone is killing somebody and the sad part is that most of it is preventable.
The evolution of the man and the woman has come with great discoveries and also with great disdain.
We can do better. We must do better. We need to start one at a time. Make it a goal to do your part. You might think that your efforts do not matter and that they won’t change a thing. I can assure you that your efforts do matter and that if you only influence one person to take the right path, then we are winning. Let’s start with ourselves. Let’s start with the man in the mirror (as the song by Michael Jackson goes). Let’s start with the woman in the mirror.
Remember to apply what works and to modify what does not work and to always strive to improve yourself and to improve anything you have done.
Let’s keep the family together, sacrifices are part of life and there is no shame in them. Do your part, even when your partner does not. Who knows, he or she might notice.
If you want to discuss this topic or others, please call me at 973-390-2926 or via email anibal@anibalalcantarajr.com
